you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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