Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
