this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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