Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
