I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
