i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
