don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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