she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
