I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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