my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize