I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
