It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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