I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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