I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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