all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
