he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize