I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
