I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think my moral compass just broke
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
