thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
