a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
