Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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