Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
