I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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