I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i out mim tonsoeep
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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