Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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