I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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