Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
