it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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