Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
