Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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