so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
