If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
