Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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