Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
