I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
