dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
