Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
