Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
