if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
