so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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