Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
