fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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