he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
