nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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