he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
