just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
