You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
