tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
