we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
