I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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