party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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