is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
