no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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