I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
