On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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