glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
