I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
