drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had to cum in my sink.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize