the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
