We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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