the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
