Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
