addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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