please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
