I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
