um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
