Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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