OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
