Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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