Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
