We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
