Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
