I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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