Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
