In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
