You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
