I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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