i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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