but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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