It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
