I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
