Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
