I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
