I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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