Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize