May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
