I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
