there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
