Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
