i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
