Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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