They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
