You made me cry and you don't even care
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
