ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize