Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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