Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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