I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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