You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
