He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
