Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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