He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
