I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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