oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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