I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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