i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
