is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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